I was having a bad day. I grabbed my camera and told my wife “I’m taking a walk before I hit something”. I pointed my camera at old leafless and seemingly lifeless trees and kept asking myself “what are you doing? you’re 58 years old and unsatisfied”. I kept reflecting on just where I had gone wrong. About 2 miles into a 3 mile route, I was attracted to a reflection of a tree in a small pond. All I could think about was all of the wrong choices I had made in my life that lead me to this point, and at the same time finding solace in the reflection of this tree. I spent more time watching than photographing, just looking at the reflection, watching how the wind changed the appearance of the reflection, sometimes rendering an almost mirror image and at others almost unrecognizable image.
After about 20 minutes I felt a ‘calm’, like a process was complete. Out of the dozen or so photographs I made, one stood out. The more I ‘worked’ it, the more I kept thinking ‘I can do better’. The next afternoon I want out to the same place at around the same time and tried to ‘improve’ upon that photograph. I couldn’t do it, it didn’t engage me anymore.
I’ve come back to this image several times asking “why did I make this photograph?”. I’ve come up with many answers, mostly intellectual, along the lines of ‘the tree was a metaphor for my life, and the change in appearance by the wind reflects how the perception of my life changes with circumstances’. It’s been a very good exercise. Ray Dalio says “Pain + Reflection = Progress”. I think the process has taught me that one photograph I make is not better than any other, and I can’t improve upon an image because it represents a moment of time in my life that can’t be revisited or improved upon.